Sorry

To everyone that I have let down in the past month.
I'm sorry my mind has been in a dark place for quite some time. I've been trying t0 help others to much. It is my curse I see some one in pain and I need to help. Currently everyone near me is in some kind of pain and I am overwhelmed by that.

• To those who I am working with I've obviously been distracted. But I did turn out some good designs just not as timely as I should of.

• To the lives I've screwed up. Please forgive me, I had good intentions. I hope I can regain your trust.
  

• To the few freinds I have in chicago who will open an ear to me. Thank you so much. and I'm sorry if I am a broken record, thank you fo rbeing so supportive
  

• To my loving friends and family back home who I have scared by my darkness. Thank you for caring so much. Don't worry to much I am a rational person and I won't do anything really stupi.

My voice

Leonard Baskin

I recieved a very good compliment from my Drawing teacher on monday She sayed she sawI had a an energy reminicent of a now obscure artist Named Leonard baskin. you be the judge

Matthew Cummings

Freds Maxims

I was reading my Nietzsche today and I came across an great Maxim. Nietszche's Maxims are a great read for both a laugh and enlightenment as part of his hammer ethos, of obliterating our feeble assumptions taken as perceptions of the world. this is form 75 Maxims, its goes like this

"How one tries to improve bad arguments: some people throw a bit of their personality after their bad arguments,as if that might straighten their paths and turn them into right and good arguments-just as a man in a bowling alley, after he has let go of the ball, still tries to direct it with gestures". I got the imagery quickly but

it played in my head like in a Nintendo game when I would jump up and move my body in the direction I wanted go trying to prevent Luigi from dropping into a spiky pit.


Taking the passage into account why it hit home at the time is I see this happening daily, you can't argue against someones personality but you can remove the personalty from your life by removing that person. I have to stipulate as quote-able as Nietszche is he, he would've hated being quoted. You do not learn by memorization you learn through ownership, through ownership you understand, hence my Nintendo analogy. I don't know a single person who has not quoted him. "What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger"

DO people truly understand what he is saying? Not Completely, in this stamens I see him shouting out to the world admitting the conquering of his pain, he died from syphilis. His last books and papers he could only write 1 sentence a day form the pain and he could barely see. What a gift though! even though he was a in pain he still wrote about the world from his perspective, his minds eye found the world to be in more pain then he was, and he could truly see that our earth was degrading. Because it was growing lazy, everyone is becoming a follower.

Change

I've changed. Though I am not share I like the changes. I'm just not happy, I haven't been keeping up with my home work. I don't think I am comfortable with my new surroundings. As great as it is. My classes are excellent. Its my down time I struggle with. I am overwhelmed with anxiety, I don't want to drink for fear of becoming a sad drunk. I've been a sad drunk that never happened before I came here. I just haven't met enough people yet and I'm beginning to think I am warring thin on my small group of friends. I'm lonely in an enormous city. That is the way it is I guess there just so many people , I get nervous in large groups, its over load. Yet another new thing getting nervous in large groups. I've never had sleeping problems before but I'll stay up with thoughts running through my head getting 3-4 hours of sleep and then I'm up and I can't sleep anymore. Am I finding my true self? If so I don't know how I like him.

I guess I should brighten up. I 've been reading Mike Nelsons "Mind Over Matters" It makes me laugh out loud. Currently I am in a chapter where he is recapping his experiences in musical theatre, which were unsparing. He jokes about hateful actors and line screw ups heresy a line. Playing king Arthur in Camelot " halfway through the show, when the time came to explain to Lancelot what a picnic was misspoke my line. "you know, a picnic-you eat girls and chase grapes around trees" its hard to win an audience back after saying something like that, and not something that should even be attempted while wearing cream tights."
good times, there.

Exhausted

I am so tired, I was woken up at 3:00 am last night because a close friend of mine had gone missing. This worried me immensely so I went into offence mode. My Friend marissa and I made it about 3 blocks before we found her, she had written down poor directions to a place where sick Marissa had partied and needed help and ended up going on an adventure. Sadly though my chivalry went un-noticed Since this girl, whom I really like, and who likes me in return ran off to help another guy, who she seems to like more then me, he had apparently gotten in a Drunken bar fight. I heard his ego was banged up the worse. Emotions were high all around and I was aperently in thew way, so I was promptly dismissed by my wayward friend. With out a thanx for caring, instead she spent the night consoling a violent drunk. I suppose I should be nicer I don't even know the guy. All I wish I knew is that he is better then me... But I haven't heard that.

I'm trying very, very, hard not to let it get to me.

a day

Life certainly has slowed down now. I’ve gotten into the home work groove and I’ve found I have more time than I thought I would. That is if I keep on top of my drawing classes.

My adventure for today was an interesting surprise. I was feeling very depressed all day, it’s not my time of year, Oct. and November are the toughest for me, I seem to let things get to me more. My friend and Neighbor Marissa knocked on my door, she was very ill She asked if I could help her find a clinic. W asked around and found out all of the clinics were closed and we would have to go to Northwestern Memorial Hospitals Emergency room to get help for her very sore throat. After a brief train ride we wandered a few blocks until we arrived to see a sea of pain and trauma in the ER. She got in very fast, we got our own room, and she had not one but 3 Doctors at once, 1 nurse, 2 X-Ray techs… It was hilarious. I even played Keep away with her empty piss cup… The doctors found that it was a Virus and she was prescribed “soup, tea and rest”
That made my day.

anGER

Alright kids gather around,
Here the story of how Matt got played!
I forgot what the college mentality toward relationships was.
Its one of conquest
in the wild prey avoids predator by listening to its instincts,
it's caught when it stops listening,
ones instincts rarely lie in conquest.
My head hangs high,
on someone's wall.

to you I sign myself in all wretchedness
Matthew

Smelly yet Smiley

I'm enjoying my time here with one exception my roomate is the smelly kid... He arrived with dirty clothes. adn hasn't washed those clothes for 3 weeks, you can smell it all in the hall way of the apatment building. I try to talk to him But I can rarely get a word out of him. Th eonly words he understands are Pot, get-high, couch, and Fargo (he likles that movie) His interstes are the same as his vocabulary, with the exception of poor cooking at 3:00 am...

oooooo that felt nice to type all that.

7 Chicago

Today was Convocation, a huge carnival for all the new students. Oh it was fun, with guys on stilts, acrobats, a bearded lady, I got my fortune told (my future looks grate, but my friend Rachel got reamed by the fortune teller, she was told that she wouldn't find her sole mate until she was dead) a funk band and some amazing dancing. I joined a club to its The Ginarte Capoeira. Capoeira is an African-Brazilian martial art founded by Africans in Brazil during the early years of slavery. They concealed it as a dance, to protect its true purpose, self defense. It is really Break Dance Fighting! They have free classes for students twice a week. I've always wanted to learn a martial art and this one is perfect for me, but I don't think I'll be getting into any cage matches soon.

Chow from Chi-Town

life in Chicago day 6

to day was a good day. the girls across the hall dragged me out of my room to hang out, that’s right I said girls across the hall, all the dorms are coed, and the majority of my floor is women. Which expectedly worried Megan, I told her they are aware of my non-single status. But through the persuasion o mutual boredom I gave in. I went with Susan and Rachel to the biweekly event called Words on Wednesday (wow) it certainly lived up to its acronym. There were singer songwriter’s rappers spoken word poets, story tellers, monologues, and comedians. It was all students’ work the talent was amazing honestly better then any I've seen before, all of them were professional quality. I came to a conclusion form this. Columbia college has no sports teems instead it has nightly artistic Olympics were everyone is given a gold for baring there sole. Every department one showcase a week film student’s premiering pieces, Wow is for the English and music department, theatre has shows every night practically most of which are student works. 6 shows are done with a professional director.

I am so excited!

Life in Chicago

I flew in last week with nothing but 1 piece of luggage. 1 day later My mom and sister showed up with the rest of my stuff, they stayed and we saw the town for 3 days now I am all alone... I got on the 20+ floor wich is good since the vast majority of students right now are freshmen. But all the folks on my floor are locals and aren't around much right now, seeing as school doens't start untill the 5th. My roomate hasn't moved in yet and the school has no contact info for me so... I have no idea when he is coming.

Chicago is a very fun town besides bums trying to sell me free newspapers for $3, its really safe here in my 24th floor downtown apartment. The best part is there are 2 bars Buddy Guys legends, an awsome blues bar, and the South Loop Club they have 50 different beers. I should do just fine here.

finalizing design

here are the choices I gave the director. i am still waiting on his reply and sweating bullets, with only 1 day to paint it all. fortunatly all my designs involve stock scenery.

Mixed blood tour

I had a tour of the Mixed Blood Theatre. The set up is alright seating is 200 the stage is a thrust fortunately there is only seating on the front of the thrust. The director liked my elemental concept. So I will keep that at the core. I will be creating 6 separate design over the weekend they will all be posted here. Its odd though, the script has changed immensely plot and characters have stayed the same, everything else is different I am waiting on the new script still I'm supposed to get the first act today and the second act Friday. There is a new actor in the cast too one with some amazing credentials having performed on both the Guthrie and the Jean lune stages. This production complexity and level of expectation grows everyday. I'm gonna have to ask for money, if they want me to work at the level the actors are at and the audience expects at the mixed blood theatre. Now I must begin piling through the enormous lightplots and floor plans to create my greatest design achievement yet.

begin: "born in Iraq"

May 13th,
It Begins. The most challenging, and rewarding production I have ever been invovled in fell on my doorstep. "Born in Iraq" (www.borniniraq.com) to be presented at the Mixed blood theatre July 5-15 2006. I haven't recieved the script yet but I attended a presentaion by the play-wrights about iraq, one of the is from Iraq. The play is based on his Experiences. I am told its is not for or against the war it is simply about the people in his small village, that ids found south of Nahsarihl. Yacob, the playwright barely survived the first war he escaped hiding in a truck of wheate. After witnessing the murder of his father by saddams forces, his father was the leader of the uprising in his village.

Like i said before I don't have a script yet but my impressions of this peices foundation are strong. The cast is all seasoned profesionals, and my budget is $2000. I can do quite a bit with that.
I watched Home movies from Iraq w/yacob and the cast. HTe Natural earthiness of there culture is every where there homes seem to have grown right out of the foundations soil, the interiors are barely furnished with the exception of beautiful rugs. The Iraqies are a very grounded people. THese First impressions made me wna to go with an elemental approach. Attaching each character to an element in some way.
Wind- soldiers
Fire- ?
Water-family
Earth-country
We will see if I can apply this formula in some intersesting ways when I see the script.
I want real sand on the set. It would play well under the elemental concept. Yacob burried his father by the river and avoided gas attacks by submerging himself in a marsh so a reflecting water effect to create a cool calming sanctuary on the stage would be great. The american forces could be harelded by wind gusts controled by fans in the loft to blow sand and make the set peices sway. I'll have to see how to incorperate fire and I have ot be sure to show how these elments must remain in balence.