Friday, October 13, 2006

Sorry

To everyone that I have let down in the past month.
I'm sorry my mind has been in a dark place for quite some time. I've been trying t0 help others to much. It is my curse I see some one in pain and I need to help. Currently everyone near me is in some kind of pain and I am overwhelmed by that.
  • To those who I am working with I've obviously been distracted. But I did turn out some good designs just not as timely as I should of.

  • To the lives I've screwed up. Please forgive me, I had good intentions. I hope I can regain your trust.

  • To the few freinds I have in chicago who will open an ear to me. Thank you so much. and I'm sorry if I am a broken record, thank you fo rbeing so supportive

  • To my loving friends and family back home who I have scared by my darkness. Thank you for caring so much. Don't worry to much I am a rational person and I won't do anything really stupi.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

My voice

Leonard Baskin


I recieved a very good compliment from my Drawing teacher on monday She sayed she sawI had a an energy reminicent of a now obscure artist Named Leonard baskin. you be the judge

Matthew Cummings

Monday, October 09, 2006

Freds Maxims

I was reading my Nietzsche today and I came across an great Maxim. Nietszche's Maxims are a great read for both a laugh and enlightenment as part of his hammer ethos, of obliterating our feeble assumptions taken as perceptions of the world. this is form 75 Maxims, its goes like this

"How one tries to improve bad arguments: some people throw a bit of their personality after their bad arguments,as if that might straighten their paths and turn them into right and good arguments-just as a man in a bowling alley, after he has let go of the ball, still tries to direct it with gestures"
. I got the imagery quickly but

it played in my head like in a Nintendo game when I would jump up and move my body in the direction I wanted go trying to prevent Luigi from dropping into a spiky pit.



Taking the passage into account why it hit home at the time is I see this happening daily, you can't argue against someones personality but you can remove the personalty from your life by removing that person. I have to stipulate as quote-able as Nietszche is he, he would've hated being quoted. You do not learn by memorization you learn through ownership, through ownership you understand, hence my Nintendo analogy. I don't know a single person who has not quoted him. "What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger"

DO people truly understand what he is saying? Not Completely, in this stamens I see him shouting out to the world admitting the conquering of his pain, he died from syphilis. His last books and papers he could only write 1 sentence a day form the pain and he could barely see. What a gift though! even though he was a in pain he still wrote about the world from his perspective, his minds eye found the world to be in more pain then he was, and he could truly see that our earth was degrading. Because it was growing lazy, everyone is becoming a follower.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Change

I've changed. Though I am not share I like the changes. I'm just not happy, I haven't been keeping up with my home work. I don't think I am comfortable with my new surroundings. As great as it is. My classes are excellent. Its my down time I struggle with. I am overwhelmed with anxiety, I don't want to drink for fear of becoming a sad drunk. I've been a sad drunk that never happened before I came here. I just haven't met enough people yet and I'm beginning to think I am warring thin on my small group of friends. I'm lonely in an enormous city. That is the way it is I guess there just so many people , I get nervous in large groups, its over load. Yet another new thing getting nervous in large groups. I've never had sleeping problems before but I'll stay up with thoughts running through my head getting 3-4 hours of sleep and then I'm up and I can't sleep anymore. Am I finding my true self? If so I don't know how I like him.

I guess I should brighten up. I 've been reading Mike Nelsons "Mind Over Matters" It makes me laugh out loud. Currently I am in a chapter where he is recapping his experiences in musical theatre, which were unsparing. He jokes about hateful actors and line screw ups heresy a line. Playing king Arthur in Camelot " halfway through the show, when the time came to explain to Lancelot what a picnic was misspoke my line. "you know, a picnic-you eat girls and chase grapes around trees" its hard to win an audience back after saying something like that, and not something that should even be attempted while wearing cream tights."
good times, there.